updating

I called Boston Reed to make sure there is still room to enroll for the medical admin. course. There is & thank god. But due to low enrollment of students, class won't be starting tomorrow night. The representative I spoke to earlier told me to call back w/in a week. I'm a little bummed out. I was actually excited to go back to school. I can wait though & hopefully the next time around, there will be more students. I have this bad feeling that there won't be enough again but if that's the case then I will look into another school.

Anyway, the ex boyfriend is still contacting me on & off. He's really irritating & I have no patience or energy to hear his bullshit. He tells me one thing & does another. I'm over it & it pisses me off 'cause he's been in & out of my life like it's nothing. He's the one who fucked up & he's the main reason why we're not together. He left in the first place & now he wants me back?! Are you seroius?! He's 26 years old & still has nothing going for himself. He doesn't know what he wants & that alone tells me he's definately not ready for a relationship. He has the nerve to ask me who I'm currently talking to? Why though? Why does it matter? He's constantly telling me that he still loves me & nothing will change that. Uh huh! Yeah right. I've heard it all before. He claims that he belongs with me & that I'm the best thing that has ever happened to him. But he's lied to me left & right. So now, I just think he's full'a shit. He's just all talk & I'm better off w/out him in my life. I put so much time & effort into this relationship & I stuck by his side even when he treated me like shit. Unfortunately, it wasn't enough. He has major issues that he has to deal with on his own & I just refuse to be a part of any of the drama that he brings upon himself. He knows he fucked up & he knows that sorry is not enough for me. He goes: "I know how you are. Sorry doesn't make up for anything." He's right about that. I don't think I've never been so hard on someone like I am with him. I know he's miserable but who's fault is that? No one can help him but himself. He keeps turning down the help so I don't know. I would like to think that he is going to change but the route he's on right now doesn't look good & he will never get anywhere if he doesn't start somewhere. His mom & his sister has shut up out. Which is pretty sad because those are the people he needs the most. But in a way, I can understand. It's called tough love. All the bad shit that he's done is finally hitting him hard. Karma's a bitch isn't it?! His cousin had told me that my ex had told him that he was going to turn himself in so I asked my ex about that & all he said was: "I don't know!" What a great answer. He's really lost & I don't know when he will be found & what it wil take for him to really stop the lifestyle that he's living. He was jumped like 3 weeks ago & I really thought that after that incident, he was going to stop. A week after that happened, I spoke with him & he told me that he wasn't trying to fuck up anymore. Bullshit! He knows how to manipulate people to get what he wants & he says things just to make himself look good & so that no one give him shit about it. Well at least me. He hates it when I give him shit about his bullshit & he thinks I'm talking shit. But I'm not, I'm just stating my facts & it's funny how he fucks up & can't take the heat. According to him, I was always a bitch for tellin' him like it is. He's just selfish & it seems like he is not thinking about the people he's hurting. There's a part of me that just doesn't give a fuck anymore & the other that still does. But one thing is that I won't get back with him. It's just too much & it's going to hurt all over again. I hate that back & forth shit. You either wanna be w/me or you don't.

This is to you...

I hope that some day you find the positive influence in your life that will help you get your life together. I'm sorry to say. But I'm not helping you anymore. You have hurt me a great deal & I never deserved any of the bullshit you put me through. You claimed that I was the only good thing in your life. But I find that hard to believe. I was good to you or at least tried my best to be. But obviosuly, that wasn't enough. Remember, you left me. Learn to deal with the consequences 'cause that's what you get for fuckin' up. I don't really care where we stand anymore. That doesn't matter. You don't care about us & yourself or the people around you.